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We talk a lot about “successful integration” in Europe, mostly in the terms of how much immigrants take on traditions and rules of their new home country. Or rather how “unsuccessful” the integration is… There is a lot of fear from ethnic Europeans around non-western immigrants creating their own ghettos, a place where they keep entirely to their origin language and customs. After 9/11 and other terrorist threats in Europe, the fear has increased (now that Ben Laden is dead, some people seem to be less afraid, but that’s another story). And then there is the fear from the immigrants themselves, that they will adapt too much to their new home country, forgetting about their original traditions and values.
I am not sure I am comfortable with the word “integration”.. Let me introduce another term, or question, what is “successful adaption”? I would imagine that it is a state of mind where you have understood the customs and follow the rules of your new country, yet you keep the values that are important to you.
If you have read my article “culture shock – the impact on mental health”, you may have noticed that I talk about the expatriate morale curve. It is normal to feel ups and downs in stages of adaption during a stay abroad, and I would say that these ups and downs keep coming, even when you have emigrated and know that the country you have settled in is your new home country. Some new habits are easy to adapt to, certain less so and you may even not want to.
I am an immigrant myself – from northern Europe to southern Europe. It is not as dramatic a change as moving from Africa to Norway, but there are quite a few differences. For example, I had to learn the language (not easy!), the code of politeness, rules, law (in my case for business), eat at different times and in a certain order and with several dishes, understand women’s role in society, communication style, status and hierarchy, and so on, the list is long. Certain things I have adapted to, e.g showing anger is ok, or not following all the rules as much as we do in northern Europe (it is quite practical to park illegally for 5 mins and put your warning sign when you just need to deliver something quickly). But I don’t think I will ever agree with all the big and small differences of women in society compared to my origins (e.g to shut my mouth when people are referring to my husband’s house or car – it is OUR house and car!). Because it touches my values. And I have started forgetting some cultural habits. An example is a business meeting I had last December in Norway. I had forgotten that in Norway we jump straight to the point, without too much small talk to “warm up”. So I tried to “build a relationship” first, whereas that wasn’t necessary at all! (If you are thinking about going to Norway, by the way, here are some tips from ‘Jen Reviews’ that are helpful: https://www.jenreviews.com/best-things-to-do-in-norway/)
So adapting; is it a threat to you, will you forget your origins? Yes, you will probably adapt over time, which could mean forgetting some cultural codes and habits. This is in fact practical and it makes sense. It is “survival of the fittest” – we humans have historically been masters at adapting to our environments. But I do not think we forget our values, it is too deeply rooted. Which takes me to a tricky question.. What if our values do not fit with new home country values? What do we do then? I would love to hear your comments and thoughts.
A great topic, and it inspired me to go back and read the earlier entry on this subject. I have tried to make 3-6 week « visits » to other countries and have been utterly unsuccessful even where there is seemingly no language barrier (Australia from the US, for example). First two weeks just fine, second two weeks feeling totally alone and miserable, last two weeks, just marking time to get home. I am amazed and impressed that people are able to make multiple moves in their adult years and learn to cope, Three of my children have been able to do this, living and working in area of a high degree of deprivation. I admire that, and think they would agree with most of your advice.
Thank you for your comments, Debbie! The word « time » comes to mind when I read about your experiences. I do beleive that building new relationships takes a long time, unless you by coincidence meet someone who is in the same situation as you or someone particularly interested in socializing with foreigners. Being alone and in a country for 3-6 weeks, I think it requires some heavy contact seeking from your side – which can be quite tireing. Checking up on various network meetings and associations before arriving might be an idea, it is a good place to meet people and make connections with people who have the same interests as you – which could create a setting for a friendship long or short-term.