If you have done some kind of stress training or heard of how we react to stress, you may have come across the story about The Frog in the Pot. Quick summary; if you put a frog in very hot water, he will jump out, but if you put him in cold water and slowly warm it up, he will not realise it and actually get cooked.. Not a very nice story, but it does illustrate very clearly what happens to us when we “turn up the heat” at work and slowly get used to the stress until it has gone way too far.
I think there are many other situations where we stay in the warm water and don’t react. I have previously indicated on this site (“Affaire DSK”) that some women seem to have got used to being discriminated against and don’t react anymore. This weekend I experienced exactly that, and to my surprise, from a woman in her early thirties. We were two couples who met a man who is retired. We stopped to talk, and this man shook hands with the men and talked with the men. He did not shake hands or nod to us, the women, nor did he address us while talking. I later asked the other woman what she thought of that and she said she hadn’t noticed! But since I mentioned it she found the behaviour to be rather odd. I thought it was rather odd that she didn’t notice, especially at her age! Warm water…
Another situation is getting used to a work environment that doesn’t entirely fit with your values. You start in a new company and at the beginning you react to several attitudes and “hidden rules”. It makes you feel uncomfortable, but you stay, thinking that it’s just this or that person, or that you are being too critical (“give it time”). After a while you start to get used to it, but now and then it pops up when you see people being treated in a particular way or you react to certain policies. Or you can have a general feeling of slight discomfort. Depending on the level of discomfort you feel, this can result in underproduction (you are not giving all of yourself at work), stress, being irritated at home, or physical problems like an upset stomach or reduced immune system. Some people stay in this state for years and years, not realising the root cause of their discomfort. Warm water…
So what can we do to wake up or jump out of the water? Big question.. Complex answers.. An easy response would be; when you feel discomfort, ask yourself why and talk with people who know you. However, many times we don’t know or we view things with filters. Then I would say that things get a bit complicated, because you need to go deeper. It helps to keep a curious mind, ask, learn, read, travel, work on self-awareness and stay informed of the world around you. But, all of that doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and sometimes we get stuck anyway; getting help from a coach will most likely trigger off some insights and solutions.
From the Muppet Show:
Waldorf: Well, you gotta give them credit.
Statler: Why’s that?
Waldorf: Well, they’re gonna keep on doing it till they get it right.
